Heartbreak is one of life’s most profound emotional experiences. After a breakup, you might feel a deep longing for your ex-partner, even if they wronged you.
It’s common to battle waves of sadness, self-doubt, and anger, wondering why you feel so demotivated and lost. The cravings to be held by them, the “what ifs,” and the ache in your chest can make it hard to move forward. If you’ve ever felt this way, this piece is for you.
Recently, I witnessed a heart-wrenching scene. A young woman, engaged for over a year after five years of dating, discovered her fiancé was marrying someone else. She was caught attempting to jump off a balcony, crying out, “After six years, where do I start? How do I begin again?” Her pain was so raw and palpable, that it took me back to my first heartbreak.
I was 18 when my boyfriend of eight months ghosted me. I felt like my entire world was crumbling. I blamed myself, replayed every moment of our relationship, and wondered what I had done wrong.
At times, the emotional pain was so overwhelming that I felt like my heart might literally burst. But with the support of friends, finding joy in new activities, and allowing myself time to heal, I gradually reclaimed my happiness. Looking back, I realise much of what I experienced wasn’t just emotional; it was deeply tied to brain chemistry.
The Neurotransmitter
Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers enabling communication between neurons (nerve cells) in the brain and the nervous system. Dopamine is one of the neurotransmitters responsible for heartache after a breakup. Other Neurotransmitters include:
- Oxytocin: This hormone, often called the “love hormone,” is associated with bonding and attachment. A decrease in oxytocin can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
- Cortisol: This often referred to as a stress hormone can increase during a breakup, leading to anxiety and difficulty coping with stress.
- Serotonin: This helps regulate mood, appetite and sleep. A decrease in serotonin is often linked to depression, anxiety and panic disorder
Interestingly, brain scans have shown that the areas of the brain activated during physical pain are also activated during emotional pain, such as heartbreak.
What is Dopamine?
At one point or another, one must have heard the word “dopamine rush,” which brings me to the question of what it is.
In a romantic relationship, our brains connect our partner with immense pleasure, stimulating the release of dopamine that enhances our emotional bond and attachment. During a romantic relationship, dopamine is released in response to social bonding and attachment. This is often referred to as a reward or pleasure response.
Therefore, in a romantic relationship, the brain associates the partner with pleasure leading to dopamine release in response to interactions with them.
Consequently, when a relationship ends, the sudden absence of that person leads to a decrease in dopamine, and the brain notices this, which leads to other symptoms like craving and longing for the partner, feeling uneasy and nervous, depression, and physical pain, which is often what is described as a “heavy heart” or “heartache.”
Key psychological aspects
Emotional Response
Heartbreak frequently results in a complicated emotional reaction that reflects the grieving process, including grief for the relationship that has been lost as well as the future that was imagined with the other person. Shock and denial may take over at first, especially if the split was unanticipated, acting as a buffer against the grief that is felt right away.
Due to the broken emotional bond and the ensuing sensation of loneliness, profound grief and loneliness may surface when reality settles in. It’s also possible to feel angry and frustrated, either at the breakup’s circumstances, the ex-partner, or oneself. A difficult and very intimate emotional environment is also created by anxiety, which is frequently triggered by worries about the future or dread of being alone.
Mind and Body Chemistry
The mind and body can be profoundly affected by heartbreak. In romantic love, the brain’s reward system is activated by the production of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to pleasure and reward. Withdrawal symptoms akin to those of addiction may result from the abrupt decrease in dopamine levels that occurs when a relationship ends.
Furthermore, physical symptoms like exhaustion, restlessness, and trouble focusing may be exacerbated by an increase in stress chemicals like cortisol. According to research on brain imaging, grief highlights the severity of emotional suffering by activating the same brain areas as physical pain.
Cognitive Impact
Heartbreak frequently triggers persistent rumination, in which people revisit events and analyse what went wrong, fuelling emotions of remorse or self-blame. This cycle is frequently accompanied by negative self-talk, which lowers self-esteem with sentiments like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never find love again.”
Furthermore, idealization of the departed relationship may develop, in which the individual focuses on pleasant memories while ignoring its defects, making it difficult to move on.
Behavioural Changes
Heartbreak can lead to significant behavioural changes. Many individuals withdraw from social interactions, increasing feelings of isolation. The loss of shared routines and habits can destabilize daily life. As coping mechanisms, some may resort to unhealthy behaviours like overeating or substance abuse, while others seek healthier outlets like exercise or therapy.
Why Heartbreak Feels So Intense
Similar to how physical pain triggers brain circuits, social rejection is seen by the brain as a danger to existence. Losing a close relationship causes a primordial sensation of danger and loss since, throughout evolution, social connections were essential for survival.
Although heartbreak is unpleasant, it may also be a chance for development, self-awareness, and resilience building. Most individuals heal and emerge from the experience stronger with time and assistance. Keep in mind that everyone’s recovery process is different. Therefore, show yourself or someone going through the aftermath of a breakup patience and kindness.
